you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
You're like the curious george of whores
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
