She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
