ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
