hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
