Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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