Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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