i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Sober January is a disaster.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
