did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
