Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
