I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
