Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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