She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize