I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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