Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
