It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
