Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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