Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
It's official drugs can't kill me
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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