if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
