Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
