Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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