someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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