SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
