Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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