i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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