I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
