Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
