I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
We are all done wearing pants today
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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