Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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