I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
