Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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