So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
