I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
