Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize