Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
