Me. At least after what I've been through.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
