no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Randomize
