the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
