We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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