One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
