i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
The uberlube is also flammable
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize