they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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