Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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