I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
