Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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