Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Randomize
