He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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