he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
