I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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