Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
