At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Randomize
