I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Randomize
