Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
