i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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