When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
you didnt know i had herpes?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
