I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize