i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
