oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
