He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
as a side note pls kill me
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
