I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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