so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize