I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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