were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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