dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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