I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
