Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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