She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
