I faked an abortion last night.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
