i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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