idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
