When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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