Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
