I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize