Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
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