How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
