They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
