I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
