you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
What happened to fro yo and sex?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
