Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
