I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
