He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Help. Why am I so naked?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
