omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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