We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
