I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
and she was petting her beer can
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
