hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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