you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
