I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
