So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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