lets start a swedish sibling band together
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Randomize
