It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
