I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
