he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
tequila makes me forget i have legs
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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