thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
