Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
