dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
don't judge my taste in strippers
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
