dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize