New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
i think i just lost a toe
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
