loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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