8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
