So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
