my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
