i think my tv is drunk
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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