im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
