i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
