dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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