They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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