By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Randomize
